Sta.sh
Younger Me,
still fending off nightmares
with plastic swords
and MONSTER-B-GONE lights.
I was rarely gentle with you.
I blistered our hands with blacktop;
I choked our sandals with mulch.
Yet you remained untouched
by life's failures and faults,
only marred on the skin
by two frolic-scars.
There are seven chin stitches
from a monkey bar mishap,
and three on your upper lip
from disgruntled floor tiles.
But that never halted
your gap-toothed grins.
I fought by your side
during alien invasions,
where broccoli trees swayed
beneath the 1% lowfat Milky Way.
We cradled dirt-stained snowmen
that lasted weeks in the freezer,
and attacked Georgia fireflies
with an army of pickle jars.
I cried when we ate mushrooms
(they taste of rubber and disease)
but gorged on knock-knock jokes
(the cheesier, the better).
We scrawled our promises in crayon
because chalk never stayed;
we composed cricket concertos
and moonbeam serenades.
Dear muse... this is farewell,
we have waltzed the years away.
But please keep close to my attic dolls
and patchwork teddy bears
(dust bunnies make dull company).
Perhaps lend me some sunshine,
you have plenty in your pockets.
I'll make you proud, I promise;
I'm due for spring cleaning.
No regrets rotting in the fridge
or spiteful skeletons in the closet....
Or even, heaven forbid, dirty laundry on the floor.
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I. am. ecstatic. thankyousomuch.
First of all, I would like to begin by saying how unbelievably touched and mesmerized I was by your work. It had some very candid, apt references to the 'pains' we sometimes experience in childhood.
"Younger Me,
still fending off nightmares
with plastic swords
and MONSTER-B-GONE lights."
The hope that exists amidst innocence was nicely portrayed in the line where you wrote:
"But that never halted your gap-toothed grins."
I was truly amazed by this piece of work. I found your choice of descriptives to be very moving, and I liked the ebb and flow of your work.
The only thing I might add is a little bit of fine tuning in the subject being addressed as well as a few of the tinier details in grammer such as the use of brackets and a couple placements of the commas. But again, these things are relative.
Your work is one of great thought and composition.
I sincerely enjoyed reading this, and look forward to reading more of your work in the near future.
Regards.
A fellow author.
SasparillaHalliday
Those stars on the side are general, don't mind them much....
Anyhow, you mentioned to me that you sometimes worry about grammer, but your grammer was really good in this piece. It and the language flowed well and were simple, yet clearly written for an older audience, and that fit very well with the message behind the poem. I also want to point out that I love! the line
'where broccoli trees swayed/
beneath the 1% lowfat Milky Way.'
Reminds me of when I was little
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